Monday, March 13, 2017

Snow Day







I was watching the weather report earlier today and was enjoying the precision with which the meteorologists predicted the forecast.  I imagined my snow day tomorrow and wondered what the meteorologists would predict about how I would spend my time.
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“Snow.”
“Chance of precipitation – 87%.”

Chance of a day off from school tomorrow – 100%.
Chance of me cooking ‘snow-day bacon’ and French toast – 98%.
Chance of my son wanting to build a sledding path, regardless of 
     temperature, wind, or personal safety.
Chance of my daughter and I enjoying our homemade chicken, lemon, 
     orzo soup – 97%.
Chance of reading over 200 pages tomorrow – 34%.
Chance of a lengthy list of domestic projects courtesy of my wife – 96%.
Chance of me lovingly reminding my wife that the French toast 
     and bacon breakfast as well as the homemade soup dinner 
     should liberate me from other chores – 87%.
Chance of my wife given me her stock look of disapproval – 77%.
Chance of playing Monopoly with my son– 68%.
Chance of expending 74% of my mental energy on limiting my son’s screen 
     time – 74%.
Chance of Facebook being littered with thoughtless clichés about snow – 
     100%.
Chance of my sarcastic response to the aforementioned clichés, 
     reminding my 672 “friends” that snow in New England 
     isn’t a novelty nor should we obsess about bread and milk – 86%.
Chance of me wondering to myself at Hanneford - - "Why bread and milk?
     Has the weather report infected the region 
     with a French-toast-fetish?" – 71%
Chance of me loving the fact that I just invented the phrase 
      “French-toast-fetish” in this poem – 100%.
Chance of the local weather being on TV constantly, creating 
      an ironic ‘white’ noise – 66%.
Chance of my smiling at the sound of Dean Olson’s voice
      tonight as she cancels school for the next 2 days, 
      barely hiding her glee - - 86%.
Chance of cabin fever infecting my home by Wednesday night 
      so that every glance or gesture is interpreted 
      as an invasion of personal space – 89%.

“Chance of precipitation – 87%.”

“Snow.”

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