I was watching the weather report earlier today and was enjoying the precision with which the meteorologists predicted the forecast. I imagined my snow day tomorrow and wondered what the meteorologists would predict about how I would spend my time.
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“Snow.”
“Chance of precipitation – 87%.”
Chance of a day off from school
tomorrow – 100%.
Chance of me cooking ‘snow-day
bacon’ and French toast – 98%.
Chance of my son wanting to
build a sledding path, regardless of
temperature, wind, or personal safety.
temperature, wind, or personal safety.
Chance of my daughter and I
enjoying our homemade chicken, lemon,
orzo soup – 97%.
orzo soup – 97%.
Chance of reading over 200
pages tomorrow – 34%.
Chance of a lengthy list of
domestic projects courtesy of my wife – 96%.
Chance of me lovingly reminding
my wife that the French toast
and bacon breakfast as well as the homemade soup dinner
should liberate me from other chores – 87%.
and bacon breakfast as well as the homemade soup dinner
should liberate me from other chores – 87%.
Chance of my wife given me her
stock look of disapproval – 77%.
Chance of playing Monopoly with
my son– 68%.
Chance of expending 74% of my
mental energy on limiting my son’s screen
time – 74%.
time – 74%.
Chance of Facebook being
littered with thoughtless clichés about snow –
100%.
100%.
Chance of my sarcastic response
to the aforementioned clichés,
reminding my 672 “friends” that snow in New England
isn’t a novelty nor should we obsess about bread and milk – 86%.
reminding my 672 “friends” that snow in New England
isn’t a novelty nor should we obsess about bread and milk – 86%.
Chance of me wondering to
myself at Hanneford - - "Why bread and milk?
Has the weather report infected the region
with a French-toast-fetish?" – 71%
Has the weather report infected the region
with a French-toast-fetish?" – 71%
Chance of me loving the fact
that I just invented the phrase
“French-toast-fetish” in this poem – 100%.
“French-toast-fetish” in this poem – 100%.
Chance of the local weather
being on TV constantly, creating
an ironic ‘white’ noise – 66%.
an ironic ‘white’ noise – 66%.
Chance of my smiling at the
sound of Dean Olson’s voice
tonight as she cancels school for the next 2 days,
barely hiding her glee - - 86%.
tonight as she cancels school for the next 2 days,
barely hiding her glee - - 86%.
Chance of cabin fever infecting
my home by Wednesday night
so that every glance or gesture is interpreted
as an invasion of personal space – 89%.
so that every glance or gesture is interpreted
as an invasion of personal space – 89%.
“Chance of precipitation –
87%.”
“Snow.”
